1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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