If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
