census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
