Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
