very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
