Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
