You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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