Can Purell be used as lube?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
