The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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