Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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