sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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