he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
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I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
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You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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