nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
