You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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