I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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