Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
