This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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