Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
