If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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