We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
