at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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