And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
