on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
