The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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