Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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