apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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