Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
