It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
