I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
