Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
