doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
This is my gift to your gina
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize