I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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