am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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