there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
