so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
