Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He shit in the fireplace
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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