hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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