We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
