Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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