2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
