y did u give ur computer a hand job?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
