Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
