Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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