There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
