i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I deserve this hangover.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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