I don't think brook has ever known best
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
