Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We need to rekindle our bromance
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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