im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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