Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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