Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
