She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
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Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
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I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.