Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.