i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...