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• (339): View more from Massachusetts

  so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!

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  19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (847): View more from Illinois

  Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"

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• (408): View more from California

  Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.

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• (254): View more from Texas

  I have a surprise for you

  (1-254): View more from Texas

  Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!

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  The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.

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• (714): View more from California

  Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?

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• (817): View more from Texas

  When was the last time you wore pants?

  (214): View more from Texas

  Time is relative.

  (214): View more from Texas

  And pants are optional.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....

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• (996): View more from

  The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant

  (996): View more from

  This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.

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