Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.