Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.