so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
