dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
