i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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