I cannot find my penis.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
