Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
