Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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