Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
