You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
