And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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