I want to have your abortion
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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