I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
