Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
