Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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