You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
