i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
