Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
