i just wanna soil my oats bro
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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