so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
