He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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