i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
