I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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