When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
